This one feels different from the last one.

That statement has loomed in the back of my mind too many times to count, and I’d be lying if I said that it has completely gone away.

I’ve been (knowingly) dealing with an anxiety disorder for the past five years. With that has come its not-so-fair share of anxiety and panic attacks.


According to Healthline, Anxiety can be mild, moderate, or severe. For example, anxiety may be happening in the back of your mind as you go about your day-to-day activities. Panic attacks, on the other hand, mostly involve severe, disruptive symptoms. During a panic attack, the body’s autonomous fight-or-flight response takes over.

You might hear people talking about panic attacks and anxiety attacks like they’re the same thing. They’re different conditions though.

Panic attacks come on suddenly and involve intense and often overwhelming fear. They’re accompanied by frightening physical symptoms, such as a racing heartbeat, shortness of breath, or nausea.

The latest edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) recognizes panic attacks, and categorizes them as unexpected or expected.

Unexpected panic attacks occur without an obvious cause. Expected panic attacks are cued by external stressors, such as phobias. Panic attacks can happen to anyone, but having more than one may be a sign of panic disorder.

Anxiety attacks aren’t recognized in the DSM-5. The DSM-5 does, however, define anxiety as a feature of a number of common psychiatric disorders.

Symptoms of anxiety include worry, distress, and fear. Anxiety is usually related to the anticipation of a stressful situation, experience, or event. It may come on gradually.


Although they are medically said to contrast one another, a thing that they agreeably have in common is that neither of them feel good. For myself, full-blown panic attacks seem to hit me the most frequently, even if they do start out as tidbits of anxiety. I’ve read somewhere that you could even have both at the same time, and I don’t doubt that. Up until I researched, I didn’t know there was a difference… if we’re being honest. I just knew that what was happening to me in those moments was unpleasant–the worst I’ve ever felt.

If I could describe the feeling, I would exaggerate it as death in your rearview mirror. That’s because, oftentimes, it almost seems as if your heart is dropping from your chest to your feet, and your soul is ascending its bodily foundation. Others would take my description as dramatic, but if you’ve ever experienced it, not even those depictions are enough to explain the overwhelming sense of fear that the attacks are bound to bring. From the profuse sweating and numbing limbs to the seemingly irregular heartbeat and lingering erratic thoughts, the effects are draining, to say the least.

I remember one of my first episodes… and how I was so afraid and worked up that I dialed 911 as I sat (hysterically) in a Subway restaurant that was located inside of my local Walmart. I’d gone through the troubles of giving my name and my whereabouts to the operator, only to calm down minutes later. I was so embarrassed when I called her back and told her “never mind,” and I wasted no time apologizing.

However, as I continue sorting through my mental health and figuring it all out, I’ve learned the importance of not letting my disorder control me; instead, I must control it.

That’s something that’s certainly easier said than done, but here are a few tips that I find beneficial when keeping myself calm during an episode.


We all yell “trust the process” until it’s our own process that we have to trust, LOL. Naturally, panic’s first response is fight or flight, but I’ve found solace in treating it as a moment in time that will soon pass. I just try to focus other side of it, the end, instead of putting my attention on the scares of what’s happening currently. Closing my eyes, visualizing beautiful settings, or placing my thoughts aid in making the time (seemingly) go by faster. I also try to relax my muscles and keep them as still as possible. Reminding yourself that you are in the driver’s seat of your own body will cut down on hyperventilation as well. It’s important to sit in those feelings and emotions. Think of it brief moments of meditation.


Repeating affirmations in my head until it blows over has proven to be extremely helpful for me. The mind is a powerful thing, and so is the tongue. Talking yourself through an attack not only relieves some of the fear of the unknown but it makes the length of your emotional discomfort not so much of a stressful factor.

Here are my favorite things to say to myself:

  1. You got through this the last time; you will get through it this time.
  2. This is only temporary.
  3. You are not your condition.
  4. These attacks will not kill you.
  5. What you are feeling is normal.
  6. This is not your fault.
  7. What you are experiencing matters.
  8. You are not overreacting.
  9. Your feelings are valid.
  10. It will get easier.


A book, a magazine–whatever you can find, read it. June of 2016, I was sitting in the ER after freaking out, because I confused an anxiety attack for some type of heart issue. I’ll never forget the doctor’s suggestion to pick up a book whenever I feel myself slipping into an episode. He explained how it helped in giving him a peace of mind whenever he’d go through one himself. Whether it’s a paperback or an ebook on your phone, concentrating on the words on the page offers great mental support.

If you’re like me, and you’re into urban fiction, here are a few authors that I suggest:

  1. B.M. Hardin
  2. Shvonne Latrice
  3. Ashantay Keys
  4. Jade Jones
  5. Chenell Parker


If only that were true, life would be a little easier. LOL. However, music is certainly one of the answers to anxiety. I love music. Always have, always will. Compile a playlist of songs that bring you the most happiness, and make use of it any time you feel an attack coming on. I prefer listening to music in headphones. To me, the surround sound effect that it creates mixed with the euphoric feeling that it brings… it’s unmatched. Put the volume on 100, tune out any and everybody, and let the lyrics consume you. Alexa, play “Up” by Cardi B!

Which coping mechanism have you tried and/or will try? Leave a comment below, and let me know!

Until next time…



As I’ve grown older, I’ve realized a lot of things about myself.

I’m sensitive about my ish. And by “ish,” I mean… my family, my food, my money, but most importantly, my art. I’m a sweetheart, but I don’t take too kindly to the wrong buttons being pushed. I give great advice, but I don’t always take my own. I love writing, but some days I hate it (and that’s okay). I enjoy being alone, but I don’t like to feel lonely. I, unfortunately, base my worth on productivity, but that’s a mindset I’m working to change. I’m a little bit of a people pleaser, and it’s a bad habit that I need to break. I’m not great at accepting criticism, even if it’s constructive. Bad opinions sometimes bother me because I like to leave good impressions. I hit below the belt when I’m angry, but I really don’t mean it. I’m shy, but I tend to come out of my shell when I feel that I’m in a safe enough space to do so. I could go on and on, but there are so many layers to me. Layers that I have yet to fully peel back. But they’re there. They’re what make me, me. 

However, among those, I’ve discovered one of my most toxic traits: I’m quick to self-sabotage. Can you believe it? The one who’s always encouraging others to be their best selves and believe in what they’re capable of? Yes. She is me, and I am her. As of late, that has been the biggest battle I’ve been trying to fight–mentally and emotionally. I’ve never admitted that aloud, but the first step to solving a problem is acknowledging that it needs to be fixed, right? I’ve been guilty of dimming my light to give someone else the room to shine. I’ve been guilty of turning down the volume of my confidence to bring others comfort. I’ve been guilty of selling myself short when I knew, deep down, that what I had to offer was worth so much more than the discounted price tag I’d put on it. 

Because of that, I’ve recently come to the conclusion that I’ve been getting in my own way and holding myself back from reaching my fullest potential. For some odd reason, I’ve just gotten so comfortable with dumbing down myself and my achievements that it’s almost become the norm for me. I hate attention. I hate bragging. The Leo in me is probably disappointed right now, but it’s the truth. I often question whether I am “capable” or “good enough” to be put in the places that I’ve been in.

A prime example of this proved itself true, even more, when I received an invite to an amazing writing group on Facebook.

If we’re being honest, although I still have so much further to go in my writing career, as much as I try to say otherwise, I’ve accomplished some bomb-axx things. I’ve had Amazon bestsellers, yet, in a room full of other accomplished writers, I’ve made myself feel small and unworthy. As if I don’t belong. As if… who am I to even think that I am deserving to be in a bunch of writers of their caliber? However, upon entrance into the group, I immediately noticed that all of the women in this collective were amazing, supportive, and HUMBLE. Not once did they or have they ever done anything to make me feel the smallness and unworthiness that I just spoke about. The part of me that feels inadequate has, though. 

Oddly, I’ve found myself in the same mental space when I’m asked for advice on things that I know I do well. I can’t count how many messages I’ve gotten from others who were interested in writing a book or entering the world of journalism–two things I’ve done and have been doing for quite some time now. “What if I can’t lead them in the right direction?” I’d ponder. “What if the advice that I do give is not as helpful?” So many doubts would swirl through my head that, though eager to help, my nerves almost wouldn’t let me. 

Starting my podcast was a huge jump ahead and step out of my comfort zone, though. It was through starting it that I realized exactly what the title of this blog post is: I Deserve a Seat at the Table, Even If I Have to Make My Own. I’d been talking about launching my podcast for the longest, but I never could work up the guts to do it… until, one day, I said EFF IT! I hit record and began talking. I didn’t stop. Hitting that upload button was equivalent to the pride I feel every time I finish a new novel. It was exhilarating–liberating even! Five episodes in, and I don’t plan on stopping any time soon. I can’t lie and say that I haven’t thought about it on those days where nothing seems to be going right, but if I worried about every little thing going wrong, I’d never get anything done. 

These days, I’m teaching myself to be more kind to my mind. To quit beating myself up over things I can’t control and focus on the things that I can. To tune out the opinions of others and rely on my own. To trust me and all that I’ve been gifted enough to do. To take the wheel of my career and drive wherever I’d like to see it go. He or she may be great for whatever position, but that doesn’t snatch away the spot that has been reserved for me.

I’ve been told NO a lot, but I’m saying YES to myself.
And it feels good.

Do what makes your soul smile and your heart dance. Don’t wait for the opportunity; create it.